One Twisted Opera

Features Paris Hilton's best role yet.

Monkey Madness

It's 5:30 a.m. and I've been watching CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES (1972). The movie is a total mind-fuck. It is social commentary. I find it fascinating. I should be sleeping but I want to watch more. This is how I'll spend the morning of my fourth of July. After this, they're going to play BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES (1973). Right now, Roddy McDowell is delivering his final speech:

"Where there is fire, there is smoke. And in that smoke, from this day forward, my people will crouch, and conspire, and plot, and plan for the inevitable day of Man's downfall - the day when he finally and self-destructively turns his weapons against his own kind. The day of the writing in the sky, when your cities lie buried under radioactive rubble! When the sea is a dead sea, and the land is a wasteland out of which I will lead my people from their captivity! And we will build our own cities, in which there will be no place for humans except to serve our ends! And we shall found our own armies, our own religion, our own dynasty! And that day is upon you NOW!"

Frightening.

The Hit List

I don't eat lunch so I can buy DVDs at BEST BUY. Here are a few on my hit list:

CALIFORNICATION: THE FIRST SEASON
BURN NOTICE Season One
XANADU
CLOVERFIELD
LARS AND THE REAL GIRL
PERSEPOLIS
BOTCHED
DOOMSDAY (Available July 29)
AUDITION
VERMILLION PLEASURE NIGHTS (Volume 1-3)
TOKYO GORE POLICE

The Bargain Bin

I don't think I mentioned this before, but I picked up two copies of THE MACHINE GIRL. Why two copies? Well, it was only $12.99. Who can pass up a sale, son? A bunch of extreme Asian cinema were marked down too, but I decided to play it safe. After all, this was the only movie on sale that played at the recent LVHIFF Spring festival. Anyway, I am happy to report that I made a wise decision. Just an hour ago, I saw a couple copies of THE MACHINE GIRL at Borders for $16.99 on sale (regular price $19.99).

By the way, THE MACHINE GIRL was released direct to video on June 3, 2008. That was only weeks ago. It has not even been shown in Japan yet. Isn't that crazy? Its theatrical premiere in Japan is August 2008. How do American gore fans get so lucky? Oh, and I should mention that another crazy violent, darkly comic film from Fever Dreams is coming out soon. It's called TOKYO GORE POLICE. It stars the lead actress from AUDITION. According to the reports, this movie is even more bloodier and gorier and crazier than THE MACHINE GIRL. I don't know if America is ready for this...

Now brings me to my next topic. I think Borders is getting more expensive. I used to find so many great deals there. But now I'm seeing tons of movies that are just ridiculous. For example, I saw Godzilla: Final Wars is selling for $14.99. That's nuts. You can get the same version of this movie at Long's Drugs for $9.99. In fact, I saw at least five other films that are selling for $14.99 that you can get for just 10 bucks at Long's. Oh yeah, you can even get Wong Kar-wai's 2046 for 10 bucks. My memory sucks these days. I don't remember the other ones. But when I went to Long's tonight for a 20 pound bag of Diamond G rice (10.99, which is the cheapest in my part of the island) I noticed a cool new $9.99 release - a double feature of MAD MAX and MAD MAX: BEYOND THUNDERDOME. Pretty soon, I will list a bunch of great movies you can buy at Long's for only 10 bucks.

BUT nothing compares to my $5.00 copy of DEUCE BIGALOW 2: EUROPEAN GIGOLO. I got that at Long's, too. It is such a wonderful store.

Come to think of it, you can also find some amazing deals at Wal-Mart. I saw an enormous selection of films for $9.99. For example, BLACK SHEEP, the horror-comedy from New Zealand I have been dying to see. Ten bucks. I recall seeing a bunch of films I paid top dollar for and now run for just 10 bucks. Oh, well. At least now I can own the craptastic ULTRAVIOLET. Okay, it's one of my biggest guilty pleasures.

Recently, I checked out Wal-Mart's $5.00 closeout bin. There are so many great titles I've put off for so long including SOUTH PARK MOVIE and DROP ZONE (Wesley Snipes). If I bought them, I may not even watch them. Somehow it just feels comforting to know that I own them. Am I alone in this?

Good movies make me feel good. So what are YOU waiting for? Go out and grab some cheap movies.

MACHINE GIRL Weekend

Last night, I had to cover the Chef Du Jour event organized by Easter Seals. It was held in Tamarind Park, between Bishop and Alakea streets. Right in front of the American Savings Building, where I used to work. It was a very swanky affair. $200 tickets with proceeds going to charity. Unlimited food and wine tasting. Hawaii's best chefs were there, including chefs Padovani and Yamaguchi. I even got to snap Chef Sakai from the Food Network's Iron Chef America (his deep friend scallops were insanely delicious).

Before the event, I had a million errands to run. They included:
* Filling up gas at Costco. I paid $30.00 for a three quarter tank of petrol ($4.22 a gallon)
* Purchasing the JUMPER and two copies of THE MACHINE GIRL at Best Buy
* Picking up my developed photos (110 film) at Walgreens near Ala Moana
* Picking up Paul Newman brand popcorn, a case of Diet Coke and 24-bottles of Dasani at Long's.

Chef Du Jour was okay. I did my best to gobble up every plate of haute cuisine there was. But as soon as I hit the road, I had a major craving for a greasy cheeseburger, fries and a soda. It's always like that. Deep down, I will always prefer fast food to all that hoity-toity stuff. I'm a simple person trying to make my way in the universe.

Television and snacks afterwards was much better. We watched JUMPER. Not exactly a brilliant movie, but we had fun. I'm glad the weekend is over. Sort of. I almost want to go back to work.I don't really want to go. But it's the dread of going back to work that sucks. I sorta just want to get this dread over with.

Strange Daze

It's 11:35 a.m. I feel okay. Not much work to do. This is the tale end of four weeks of hellacious work. I admit, I'm messing around a bit. Actually, there's always plenty of work to keep me busy. But I feel fine right now. To be perfectly honest, I have more pressing things on my mind. Things could be worse. That is why faith is so important. And why I'm feeling fine.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

I just saw the trailer for Hellboy II: The Golden Army. I'm excited to see it. Like the first film, it is rated PG-13. They are still trying to capture younger ticket buyers. I recall a fair bit of violence in the first film. The monsters did horrible things to the Bureau of Paranormal Research & Defense. The film was a too scary for kids, especially with elements of Nazism and the occult. Apparently, the Motion Picture Association of America feels it's okay for parents to scare their kids shitless with scenes featuring the undead Nazi killing machine Karl Ruprecht Kroenen.

I can't wait to see the film. I like any film with the word golden in the title. For instance, I really Golden Compass. I love The Man With The Golden Gun. Golden Eye kicked ass, too.

Hellboy opens on July 11.

The Worst Weekend of My Life

I had a difficult weekend. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to share my feelings. Nobody cares anyway. I will not post any video clips today.